June 07, 2008

King Leer

Until August, when I'll be moving onto part-time, my world is largely this room and the classroom, and things are pretty clear in each realm. I can do whatever I want in the former, and play the knowledgeable guide in the latter. These are roles that I'm comfortable in, but I tend to get thrown when I spend a long time outside and become aware that things are very different, that there's space to occupy between total freedom and a set role, and that it's up to me to draw the line. I have trouble with the concept of restraint in public, unsure as to the limits, and suspect that I tend to set my own too strictly and then too loose, but only in passing at some socially acceptable ideal.

Mostly I sit quietly, with a book, spacing out and coming back to consciousness, and sometimes I can't believe that I'm allowed to see and be seen, that there are essentially no barriers to what the eyes can take in. Why not look out the window and see how someone parks their scooter, wears a blouse?

I should wear sunglasses more often.

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