September 03, 2008

A rod for my own back

The kindness of folk in Taiwan, which could be a running series, either that or the devil sent a man who had a spare Xbox 360 [hardcore gamer, bought one early and then an updated model] and a copy of GTA IV that they lacked the English to play, so the console is staying with me. I'm pretty hopeless, mashing buttons when I fight and knocking down way too many lamp posts / pedestrians, but some late night urban mayhem is exactly what I need at the end of the summer.

And I have my new routine, classes only in the evening, proofreading from 7:30am until 11am, the afternoons all free, my training wheels for a greater freedom, until good habits are more deeply ingrained.

Meanwhile, bouncing between over- and under-confidence, which seems to be a natural state that I need to accept. The idea being that when I feel fat / ugly / poor / stupid I work harder, leading eventually to a period of contentment / over-confidence. I see this at work with the smart and beautiful students I know - they tend to be very insecure, hence the exercise, make-up and study. Harnessing low self-esteem for self-improvement. I guess the key is to narrow the gap between the extremes, to get the good habits in deep enough that they're automatic, require no prompting from a sense of weakness, and all the time to be on guard against arrogance, et cetera. Ha.... At the moment I'm on a clean food / exercise kick on the old paleo model, which, coupled with my new found mastery of time and the concomitant ability to eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired, is leaving me feeling very good.

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