March 22, 2009

Leap into the void

Nearly all my weaknesses stem from the same optimism / idiocy / arrogance - the belief in fresh starts, the idea that I've neither original sin nor accumulated faults, and an escape is always possible.

In part this is because I reflect on my past very, very little, there are no memories that I'd rather revisit than laze about in now or in meditations / daydreams / empty-headedness. And I don't trust my memories, as soon as I pick one up it becomes a story, and I've no touch for fiction, quickly boring myself with the necessary inventions inre. what happened and why.

Viewed in this distant fashion - I'm a stranger here myself - I'm quite at ease with the idea of a personal eschaton, no problem surrendering free will as things unfold around me. I'm still experiencing it all for the first (and last) time, subconsciously reconstructing things in my head a moment after they've happened in the world as it is outside of me.

Related post:
Narrative fallacy

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